标题:Some people think that the government should promote healthy lifestyles among the public, while others think it is not necessary. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

参考分数：5.5分；

总体点评：本文直接明确地回应了考题的问题，观点明确，但是文章部分分论点比较牵强；作者成功地使用了文章中的大部分连接词，整篇文章基本上有清晰的条理，但是部分连接词感觉比较机械，和文章其余部分不是很协调；单词和语法方面虽然作者成功使用了一些大难度词汇和句型，但是存在不少词性，句子完整，动词形式，冠词，时态等基本词法和语法错误，这些错误过多比较严重地影响了文章的成绩，建议作者从这两个方面加强，不需要写太难的单词，太长的句子，哪怕是普通平实的语言，只要文章有条理，自然流畅，基本没有错误也会拿到高分的；

详细批改：

Healthy lifestyles are ongoing and heated debate when people lay more emphasis on current affairs. In this case, their standpoints differ.

Some of them hold the believe. belief (这里应该用名词而不是动词，另外这里不应该使用句号) that the authorities should not take some measures which can contribute to citizens’ lifestyle. In the first place, it there is no doubt that the priority of government is to generate enormous profits for the state. In other words, limited budget should be invested in promoting related industrial development. And the authorities ought to allocate money to infrastructural construction（这里最好加上“而不是干涉人们的生活方式”这样论述才完整）. Next, it will make people dependent on outside. That is to say, citizens will be(这里应和上句话时态统一) lack  of independence when they live a lifestyle which is made decided by government. 这个段落论述的理由比较牵强，严重影响了文章的说服力；

However, others stand firm on the point of view that government should promote healthy lifestyles among the public. First and foremost,（空格应加在标点后而不是标点之前）it is commonly believed that the ultimate purpose of government is to make the public lead a comfortable life. Healthy lifestyle can contribute to a comfortable life. What is more, citizens’ health serves as the foundation of national development. That is to say, without citizens’ physical health, there would be not not be sufficient labor to ensure the production of related sector(related sector 表示相关部门，但是这里看不出来与哪个相关). Last but not least, the healthy problem concerns about（concern是及物动词不需要加介词） all living residents, therefore, . Therefore, (therefore是副词，不能直接用来连接两个句子) government should deal with it with all methods.

In terms of the statements identified above, I am in accordance with the point that government should take unshirkable duty in public’s healthy life style.